


ah, dani, if only there was someone who truly loved you

by SleepyFubuki



Series: In This House We Believe In Dageism [4]
Category: Original Work
Genre: Gen, No I Didn't, a tomato that can walk and bounce, it literally just walked up to me and started calling me mother, luka did you lay this tomato, oh fuck now the tags are on crack, talking plants, y'know like in a cartoon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-17
Updated: 2020-06-17
Packaged: 2021-03-04 01:41:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 821
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24715486
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SleepyFubuki/pseuds/SleepyFubuki
Summary: In which the Kaku-Luka household gains a very interesting pet.or: tomatoes are friends, not food.
Series: In This House We Believe In Dageism [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1767790
Comments: 2
Kudos: 9





	ah, dani, if only there was someone who truly loved you

**Author's Note:**

> A dramatisation and extension of the original adoption process.  
> For anyone who wasn't there to witness it (which is basically everyone), I hope this story suffices XD  
> 

Sunday! A bright, sunny day, perfect for making sundried tomatoes.

\----Luka had no idea why he was thinking that, especially since he didn't like tomatoes. But it _was_ a good day to hang the washed things out to dry, like his husband's eleventeen silk scarves, all painstakingly hand-washed and free of demon blood. Idiot never took his scarves off, said it was for the aesthetic or whatever priestly nonsense he got up to.

Speaking of that man...Luka took a moment to stare over the wall.

It was Sunday, supposedly a holy day. People went to the church and listened to sermons or attended prayer sessions, maybe one priest nagging- AHEM, giving a sermon over here, another priest praying for the people over there. All that holy blathering. Most people attended church very regularly, but not him. He had never been much of a Dageism person; faith in some big man in the sky didn't mean much to him. Heck, his marriage had been sealed by a loaded revolver, not a blessing from the Lord! To Hell with all the holy blah-blah.

Although...even if it was just some thou-shalt-not-be-unholy stuff that priests were all trained to bleed from the mouth, he still liked hearing Kakushigo talk. For such a holy man, he often reached such unholy levels of hotness. Maybe he was born with it, maybe it was Maybelline, or maybe Luka's eyes were broken. It was probably the last one, because Kakushigo couldn't do eyeliner for shit. Priests didn't even use makeup anyway. Goddamn holy man was born with unholy looks, then. Pah. That was always the way the world worked, so fucking unfair with all its contradictions.

"One, two, three, why the hell, so many, seven..." Luka counted the scarves as he hung them up and pinned them in place. "Eight, nine, no fuckin' way, there's more, so clean though, good job Luka, eleventeen...whew." Half of that wasn't even counting, but who cared anyway, they were clean and the weather was good. Everything was sunshine and spring breezes and nothing didn't smell like flowery bleach.

As if blown by the breeze, a tomato rolled up the path and into the garden, coming to a stop by Luka's feet.

"Mother!" the tomato greeted, tipping to one side in greeting.

Luka narrowed his eyes, wondering if he was seeing things. A tomato that could talk and move on its own? What brand of acid was he on? Oxygen?

"Mother," the tomato repeated, jumping up into his outstretched hand. Why the hell he'd been holding his hand out, he had no idea, but that made it much easier for him to talk to this tomato. Or whatever it was.

"Who are you?" Luka questioned.

"I'm Dani!" the tomato replied brightly. "Dani is a tomato." The kind people put in stock images and kids' cartoons. Actual tomato varieties meant jack shit.

"Yeah, and I'm the king of the second star to the right," Luka scoffed. "So? What brings you here?"

"I am your pet," Dani declared proudly, puffing its little tomato chest up. Or whatever tomatoes had in place of anatomical chests.

A pet? Well, hell be damned, this tomato had crack for brains. No self-respecting tomato would just walk up to someone and adopt them as an owner, would they? Or maybe Dani wasn't just any tomato. This was a tomato who had no fear. No shame.

And he was just as odd for even giving this tomato any attention of his.

"You wanna be our pet?"

"Yes!" Dani nodded.

~~

When the rest of the family came home from church, Luka was sitting on the sofa with a tomato in his hand, studying it like it was the largest diamond in the world.

"What's that, Mother?" Haigi asked.

"I'm Dani, your pet tomato," the tomato piped up, turning around to face him. "Your tomato pet."

"Ooh, a pet!" Haigi held out a hand, and Dani rolled onto his hand, smiling in the way only a talking tomato could pull off. "So cute~"

"Father, it's official, we're keeping this tomato," Luka said, as Kakushigo came up to hug him.

"Ah, is that so." Kakushigo looked at the tomato over his Wifey's shoulder. "How nice."

"Does that mean you approve?"

"Well..." Kakushigo smiled fondly, stroking his head. "What Wifey wants, Wifey gets."

Not like he had _wanted_ this tomato to begin with, honestly, but well, at least life would be a lot more interesting with a pet tomato around.

So that was it. The Kaku-Luka household now had a pet tomato. How happy, indeed!

~~

"Uh, Luka?" Mirai asked, squinting at the tomato next to Luka's left hand. "What...what is that?"

The tomato did a little wiggle, beaming at her.

"Hello!" it said cheerfully. "I'm Dani! Luka's tomato pet."

Mirai blinked to make sure she wasn't dreaming.

A pet tomato?

"Do we allow pet tomatoes in here?" she wondered aloud.

~The End~

**Author's Note:**

> Are you getting used to this writing style yet? Me neither.


End file.
